We live in a crazy world now-a-days.
- The media proclaims doom & gloom every 5 minutes
- People are addicted to their cellphones & social media
- And we are more disconnected from reality than ever
But here’s the kicker…
Our brains are the same as they were 100 years ago.
We may have more technology, more abundance, and more people than you can shake a stick at…
But we are all relatively the same as we were a century ago.
Which means, the same advice that worked back then for how to make some friends and become more likable is literally the same information that applies today.
Most people have simply forgotten what it is.
So I’m gonna tell ya.
In his INCREDIBLE book, How To Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie lays out a great framework of how to make people like you.
Even though it was written 83 years ago, it is more relevant today than ever.
(Especially since everyone is so addicted to their phones & social media that it seems like they forgot how to interact with people in the real world…)
So here’s the framework Mr. Carnegie laid out with my updated definitions for 2019 and beyond.
Enjoy. 🙂
1) Become genuinely interested in other people
People LOVE talking about themselves, it’s quite literally most people’s favorite thing to do.
Not only do people enjoy it, it’s incredibly easy for people to do. Who knows your life better than yourself?
The trick here is to ask the other person a lot of questions. Keep asking questions until you hit a topic that you both seem to enjoy. Then go deeper.
You genuinely like that topic and so do they, so the conversation will flow easily & naturally.
2) Smile
Smiling is so underrated. While I was traveling the other day I got complemented 3 times on my smile.
Once by the Uber driver, once by the security guard checking me into my flight, and once by the rental car dealer.
When you’re smiling you’re giving off positive energy and good vibes, which people respond to much better than a frown or blank face.
Not only does your smile make you seem more likable off the bat, things just go your way better — like the free upgrade I got from the rental car agent for literally no reason (other than being friendly and smiling.)
3) Remember people’s names
Do you know what the most important word is in the world to someone?
It’s their name.
It’s the one word that even if you’re in a crowded place with 1,000’s of people surrounding you if you hear it you will stop and see if it was addressed to you.
It’s weird and kind of funny how powerful our own names are. And if someone remembers your name but you don’t remember theirs? That’s like a slap in the face.
Oof.
And NOBODY remember’s anyone’s names anymore (or phone numbers) because they don’t need to. They can look you up on Facebook or Instagram to get confirmation of your name.
So remember people’s names and differentiate yourself from everyone else.
4) Be a good listener
A lot of times when someone is speaking to someone else, the other person isn’t actively listening.
They are kind of listening but more-so thinking about what they are going to say in response to the first thing that person said.
Don’t do this.
It’s rude and ignorant.
When people are speaking with you don’t have ADD, don’t play with your phone, don’t think about what you’re going to say, just be quiet and listen.
You will literally become one-of-a-kind and people will rush to talk to you about themselves.
(Pro-tip: You can learn A LOT about people by simply listening to them. Since 95% of people are terrible listeners, by just listening to someone, they will tell you their entire life’s story & immediately consider you a good friend.)
5) Talk in terms of the other persons interest
This is very similar to #1. The goal here is to find a mutual interest that you and the other person share, then riff on that.
Same taste in music, food, sports, hobbies, personal development, gym, finances, cooking, gardening, etc.
Ask a bunch of questions until you find something that you both like. Once you do, talk about that.
Easy as pie.
6) Make the other person feel important
This really is the #1 rule of them all.
You know someone is a great communicator if when you’re talking with them it feels like you are the only person in the room.
(Apparently Bill Clinton is like a wizard at this.)
What it comes down to is:
- Being interested in what the other person is saying
- Listening to what they are saying
- Focusing on them (paying attention, asking follow up questions, etc.)
Don’t focus on on your phone, not on your stomach, not on other people walking by.
When you are talking with someone, it should feel like it’s just you two standing/sitting under a spotlight and the rest of the world is darkened out.
If you can successfully pull this off, people will become enraptured in talking with you and being your friend.
And that’s it folks.
If you take these principals to heart you will see BIG results very quickly.
Heck, if you ignore everything else and simply become an active listener whenever someone is talking with you — you’ll win more friends and influence more people than 95% of the population.
How’s that for a life hack?